So last year Christmas over here fell on the 25th of December. Tamsin's parents came over to visit and arrived on Xmas Eve after 3 days in San Francisco. People here are very into their decorations, much more so than in New Zealand. Some houses have thousands and thousands of dollars worth of various, but always tasteful, Christmas paraphernalia. Not a lot of Jesi in a manger though, mainly just Santa and reindeer. And you can't say Merry Christmas; you have to say Happy Holidays. That way you won't offend anyone who may celebrate some other holiday, like Kwanza or Chanukah or may be opposed to the idea of celebrating any occasion with a religious origin at all. You've got to cater to all types, which means not catering to any at all. We had a delicious leg of lamb that had been happily munching grass in Te Kuiti less than a week earlier for Xmas dinner.
A couple of days after Xmas we headed off for Las Vegas. On the way we got stuck in traffic for 2 hours in the middle of nowhere for no reason other than that they were repairing a pothole. During this traffic jam Tamsin decided that she would try to burn out the clutch, so it was decided that she would be relieved of her post for the rest of the trip. After we arrived and checked in at the Luxor, we went out for dinner in New York, New York. The next morning, on my way to get a cup of coffee from one of the four Starbucks in the hotel I decided 8 am was a good time to start playing the pokies with the other degenerates. It was during this time that I learned that no-one looks as tired as a cocktail waitress who works the 1c slot area at 8.30 in the morning. Living in Las Vegas wears people down. While we were at the same coffee shop another time, we had a pseudo celebrity sighting, when Holly from The Girls Next Door on the E! channel and her new boyfriend CrissAngelMindFreak walked past. It was all I could do not to scream like a schoolgirl at a Beatles concert. We spent a lot of time in Las Vegas wandering about, just seeing what was going on. You really don’t need to plan much because there is always something going on. There was a really impressive fountain display in front of the Bellagio, to the Hallelujah Chorus, sort of like fireworks but made of water. There was an exhibition of corpses on at our hotel called Bodies, which Tamsin, Peter and Raewyn went to, but I found this idea thoroughly distasteful so I went to an all midget burlesque show instead. We also decided to go to the Phantom of the Opera which was playing at the very fancy Venetian and I’m not averse to the musical theatre genre. The production was very good, as was the main girl. Her love interest was also quite competent, but the guy who played the Phantom was mediocre. When people started giving him a standing ovation, I was disgusted and wished there was some opposite of a standing ovation that I could give him, rather than just remaining seated. What really sucked though was the actual musical itself. Here begins my diatribe against Andrew Lloyd Webber. There are about 4 songs that get rearranged throughout the entire thing and enable the dialogue to be extended so that it isn’t over in 11 minutes. The plot is wafer thin, despite being ripped off from a classic French novel. Really? This is the most profitable entertainment venture of all time???? REALLY? Come on. I enjoyed the Lincoln High School performance of Annie Get Your Gun more and I fell asleep in that. Again, I must emphasise that the performance itself was fine but it was the fact that Sir Andrew ate a copy of the original book, had a bowel movement and decided to set it to music that I was annoyed by. After this debacle we went to Fremont Street which is the original, very neonic casino area from before all the big casinos moved in down the Strip. This was definitely the trashy, tacky Las Vegas. What was very cool though, is that they have blocked off two blocks of the street and covered it with a huge projection screen. Every hour they turn off all the lights so they can put on a light and sound show and pickpockets can go to work as everyone is looking up. We saw a really good Queen tribute which made me forget about hunting down Lloyd Webber and making him give me back my $75 (see the movie below if you have a decent broadband connection). All in all, Las Vegas is a really fun place, even if you aren’t a big drinker or gambler. There’s always something to do, everything’s open all the time and there are heaps of good places to eat. My only suggestion is that Child Protective Services raid a casino every night about midnight and take any children who are being dragged about or pushed in a pram by their parents or are waiting in the hotel lobby for someone to blow the money that was going to be spent on a new pair of school shoes on a $10 Pai Gow poker table into foster care. I think it’s really strange that anyone would take a six year old to a place where all forms of vice are so pervasive, especially seeing as there really isn’t that much for kids to do there.
After three days is Las Vegas we headed off early to the Hoover Dam which is about half an hour outside of Las Vegas. Tamsin and I have been to the dam before, when we came over in 2007, but it’s still very impressive. The viaduct they are building over the gorge is probably going to be more impressive when it’s done. Based on how much progress they had made since we were last there, it should be done in time for my great great grandchildren to see it through a telescope from their moonhouse.
We wandered around the dam for an hour or so before we crossed it into Arizona and headed off into the desert towards the Grand Canyon. There was very little in the way of civilization on the way, other than Beef Jerky shops for some reason. As we ventured closer to the Grand Canyon we encountered a lot of snow. Tamsin and I had checked up on the weather at this time of year and found out it was cold at the Grand Canyon but we hadn’t expected snow. As it turns out, generally when you have a canyon that is up to two kilometers deep, the rim is usually about 2 km above sea level. We arrived there quite late in the day because it was a long way from Las Vegas. It’s a fairly spectacular sight and we were lucky to be there on a fine day with the snow at sunset. While we were there I was fortunate enough to be witness to the stupidest photo ever taken. It involved a woman smiling as she held a sandwich next to her mouth sitting on a bench beside a rubbish bin, taken by a photographer who had his back to the Grand Canyon. You don’t want to get one of the natural wonders of the world in that picture? Oh, no point you’ve got an overflowing garbage can already. I’ll let you guess what ethnicity they were (answer at the end of the post).
I like Arizona because the speed limit on the highway is 75 mph. Hurtling down the high desert plains at 85 in the frozen darkness is a good time. We stopped in Flagstaff for dinner and eventually made it into Phoenix for the night after 14 hours on the road. Phoenix is a really huge sprawling place (5th largest by population and 3rd by area in America) and was very pleasant for the 90 minutes we spent awake there. The next morning we sped back to San Diego as I needed to go to work. There was a bit more traffic on this leg of the trip and led many people to impede my travel. I would like to use this very public forum to inform all those who would form moving roadblocks that the center lane of the highway is only for those willing to drive like champions. All others must move aside. The Arizona desert had a lot of the stereotypical cacti in it, which you don’t get in California. We passed through Yuma on the way back, which I thought would be interesting, but I can now see why Russell Crowe was killing people left and right to avoid getting on a train headed there.
The rest of Peter and Raewyn’s stay involved a trip to the zoo and some shopping, including some historic trouser purchases (one in terms of discount and another that will go down with the Holocaust as one of the great atrocities committed by mankind). Peter and I also ventured aboard the USS Midway aircraft carrier. The docents are all ex-Navy guys who are really keen to tell you about their stuff. We had a 15 minute run down of the situation in the admiral’s quarters during the first Gulf War (the chap in charge of all the American ships in that first Persian sojourn had his office on the Midway), which was fascinating. In the end we both decided that life aboard an aircraft carrier probably wasn’t for us.
The Saturday after New Years we dropped Peter and Raewyn off at LAX and I assume they got back all right.
Not a single compact fluorescent bulb to be seen
The light on top of the Luxor is visible from a good 20 miles outside the city and is bright enough that you could read a newspaper in space.
The Excalibur at night
Looking down Las Vegas Boulevard
The mafia used to wield a lot of power in Las Vegas. When they moved in from New York, they brought the Statue of Liberty with them. The one in New York Harbour is actually a replica.
The largest bronze statue outside of Asia in front of the MGM Grand.
The Lion enclosure at the MGM Grand. The sports book next door has the over/under on how long until that idiot lying beside them gets mauled at 2.5 years, which I thought was rather tasteless (I have $20 on the under).
The very flash Bellagio
My show suggestion was not taken seriously and we ended up going to Phantom of the Opera.
Peter and Raewyn on Fremont Street. Binion’s used to the site of the World Poker Championship. Now that there are 10,000 entrants they hold the preliminaries somewhere on the strip, but they still hold the final table at Binion’s. I won 1c there.
The classier side of Fremont Street
The Hoover Dam and the bypass viaduct currently under construction
The dam was named for this guy, Terry “Tiny” Hoover, a 22 foot tall bronze man who began building it in 1979 and completed it in 1986. I didn’t read the plaque.
Tamsin at the border of Nevada and Arizona
Tamsin in front of the Grand Canyon, relaying to the audience by posture and attire that Yes, the weather was cold.
The photographer and subject were Asian. If you guessed wrong, don’t worry – you’re still a racist for guessing in the first place.
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