Last weekend we went to Universal Studios in Hollywood. The traffic in LA is weird. In San Diego, traffic jams are caused by accidents or lots of people getting on or off the freeway. In LA they are caused by magical invisible barriers that are raised and lifted at the whim of the spirit of a long dead chief who uses them to get revenge against Whitey for pillaging his land. Eventually we arrived in the one part of LA I have been to that I don't actually hate - the Hollywood Hills. Once the sitcom I'm pitching gets picked up (I'm getting a lot of buzz about it, so I'm fairly confident) we are so moving there. I enjoyed Universal Studios more than Disneyland by a wide margin. Tamsin called me crazy and said that Universal Studios was a 2/10. I agreed that it was a 2, but that still beats the hell out of the -42 that I give Disneyland. We went on a tour through the studio lot and saw some of the tricks of the movie trade. We saw the Bates motel from Psycho and observed a chap placing a dismembered corpse in the boot of his car in front of said motel. When he saw us he came at us with a knife and the tour guide suggested we move on in a hurry and forget we saw anything. I thought this was a terrible message so I called the LAPD. They rapidly lost interest when I described the guy as white. We also went to a few shows, such as Shrek and Terminator, which were 3D video show things, and Waterworld, which was a whole bunch of stunt people on jetskis and whatnot with explosions. Actually Shrek claimed to be 4D and I suppose technically it was, but the ride's ability to shuttle us through time seemed to be limited to moving forward at regular speed. Anyway, when Donkey sneezed everyone got sprayed by it and it was hillarious so all was forgiven. On the way back we drove past various LA landmarks, such as the Capitol Records building, the Kodak Theatre and the Church of Scientology Celebrity Center, which looks like the nicest hotel you'll never get to stay in. As we had made the trip with some Indian people, we stopped in a place called Artesia/Don't Call Me Little India for dinner on the way back, where I was the tallest and whitest person by far.
To be honest, I was a little disappointed by the Hollywood Sign. I don't really get why its so famous.
Outside Universal Studios
Looking out from the Hollywood Hills to "The Valley". In the 80s and 90s The Valley was the setting for many movies, including The Karate Kid, Valley Girl, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, E.T. and Boogie Nights. Today it's more famous as the world capital of pornography. But you already knew that, didn't you pervert?
Stunt cars from The Fast and The Furious. I felt a real connection with this exhibit because like Vin Diesel, I also live my life a quarter mile at a time.
The DeLorean from Back to the Future. Why did anyone think this car was cool again?
Downtown LA as seen from the freeway
The most recognisable section of the studio tour was the houses from Wisteria Lane of Desperate Housewives fame.
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